Saturday, May 31, 2014

tucker ellis | five years

where do i even begin with this boy? in such a small frame, there is so much life i can barely get it down.

he has grown so much from four to five. from learning to sit still long enough to write his name to beginning to read. he retains information and comprehends more than i imagined. the older he gets and the better at communicating he gets, i hear so much that he learns. it's incredible. 

he will sit and listen to a biography on benjamin franklin, theodore roosevelt, or john muir any day at any time. and as i read, he makes connections to sharing similar characteristics. he latches onto stories and likes to play them out in his own life. he also loves a good mark twain adventure. he loves to pretend he is tom sawyer. he would listen to me read (or an audiobook) for hours. 

from the moment he gets up he is outside hunting frogs, salamanders, lizards, bugs, or any creature really. he studies the trees and watches the birds to memorize their patterns. he can spot anything, anywhere, at any time. he is constantly in awe of God's creation. i love seeing the world through his eyes. we wrap ourselves in blankets every morning on the back porch to watch the birds. then he goes on his morning hunt for creatures. 

his breakfast prayer one day last week, "God, thank you for this food and that Daddy is home. And God, I pray that you will send frogs and salamanders to our yard. amen." that right there is how i should be praying. bold and honest. 

i have so much confidence in him. whereas i think he could protect me better than i can protect myself, he is still my little boy that crawls into my lap and kisses my lips every night. 

monkey hangs so close still as his most treasured friend. his adventures with him are such that we cannot keep up with all of them. monkey has traveled to almost every country and encountered almost every living creature only to defeat the bad ones and befriend the good ones. his stories are gold. 

he has such a special relationship with both of his brothers. every year it becomes more apparent that God put him smack dab in the middle of those two for such a specific reason. i love watching him in his role. he holds us all together in some aspects. 

we continue to roll on the floor at the things he tells us. and the way he sees the world. he is a hoot. 

i do feel as though his personality is so consistent that i don't even need to recap it each year. he's a naturalist at heart and lives in a world all his own. 

just tonight he found a baby praying mantis. he put it in one of his new magnifying bug holders for safe keeping. he then let will hold it. which is always a mistake but he treats others the way he would like to be treated. will opened the cage and let him go and tuck got very upset. for about 10 seconds. he then poked his head back in the door and said, "it's okay mommy, maybe i can find another one tomorrow." after i had a heavy discussion with will, he went to apologize to tuck. tuck hugged him and said, "i forgive you will. now guess what?! i'm going to look for another one tomorrow and maybe i'll find two and i will give one to YOU!"

that right there. that's tuck in a nutshell. his heart is so incredibly genuine that it catches me off guard daily. he is the real deal. there's never any guessing with him. he wears it all outside.

as he piles on the years and we watch him grow and change. i know in the next year he will grow bigger and stronger and wiser but i am enjoying him so very much in the every day. 

Friday, May 30, 2014

from my journal | spring 2014

there it is right on the page. it unfolds in front of my eyes so plain as day it's a wonder i've never seen it this way before.

the words that read of Christ. of all of who He is. all that is in Him and through Him and by Him and to Him. my heart fails to beat for what seems like minutes as i'm struck cold through my bones. as those words on that page seem to open up my heart and dissect it piece by piece. the dark comes to the light and i see it. i see how twisted up and gnarled the things inside are.

i hear those words spoken and those fragile pieces hardened. i see it clear the way i predominantly frames every bit of everything. i feel the unnecessary weight of this world pressing so hard. i know that look for man's approval and love for things all too well. it's what's really there anyway. it's what's always been there. i see mercy withheld and the rope tightens.  i see desires all wonky and not in line with this, on this page.

it's a stark contrast.

and the exposure runs so deep to places i didn't know were there. because isn't that what happens. it takes only the slightest skewed step. the measly allowance of entitlement to sit in this head. the dwelling of things here and things there. a trip to the greener grass.

and it's all off kilter now. all of it.

i live there in those things. those things i am free from. that's where i stay for too long sometimes. i stay bound when i am released from it all. i choose that. 

i see it here. i see that these elementary principals of the world i allow to hold me captive when everything in me screams to be free. to be with Him. i fight and i struggle as if i'm bound so tight when i am already free. {ref. colossians}

 it's been buried. with Him. and He rose and is alive!!!  i was dead and He has made me alive together with him. i am forgiven. i am free.  {colossians 2}

His grace is here. it was there and it's here and it will be there. and it abounds. 

and these words on these pages i read them over and over. and every time they are new. they are alive and they bring life into these ragged, messy innards that have no life except through these words and His life.

and if i can just stay focused there. just keep my eyes fixed there. keep my heart in check. keep coming to Him just as He says. 

and it's really very simple. he is always there. it's just a matter if i am going to throw those things aside and come to Him. i can't really explain the rest because He does it. i just know with all of those places and things and desires, when i lay them bare before Him, He changes it all before my very eyes.

it all terminates on Him. on who He is. every bit of everything. that's the only real meaning to anything. the answer always is and always will be Jesus.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

tuck man turns 5 | party time

it was a big birthday for tuck for sure. he got to have a party this year and he was stoked! he invited his entire class at school and i think they were so glad to have a little more time together cutting loose and having fun. (and getting very sweaty!) 

this place was the jam too. they did everything. all i did was bring cupcakes. it's the absolute best way to do a party. it's GUARANTEED fun for everyone and the least work i've ever done to celebrate! 


Tuesday, May 27, 2014

the weekly | twenty one

tuck had his preschool graduation on thursday. he was so big and so excited. so very excited.

 he sang so loud all those songs i hear his little voice belt out here at home. "God, You make me brave!" and "here we come kindergarten!" 

he was so proud and so excited. and we were just as proud and just as excited for him. 

he learned so much this year. he had some really incredible teachers that i know God gave him to love and nurture and teach him in all the right ways. 

and i can't wait to be that for him next year as we venture into another kindergarten year of homeschooling. oh the fun that lies ahead with the tuck man!! 


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